A SCHOOL BADGE IS MORE THAN AN ACCESSORY

14.

2011-08-31T23:58:00.001+08:00

i miss you so much but i can't talk to you.

i want to text you so much but i can't.

i want to see you so much yet i can"t.

all i got is our photo.

I MISS YOU.

13

2011-08-28T17:51:00.002+08:00

heartwrenching feeling again. haix. this should stop. i know you're special, i know how much i want to be with you. and i know how much it hurts when you do otherwise.

i'll never be the first person to you turn to in times of need, the first person you run to at the end of the day to talk about how the day went, the first person you confide in. but i never asked to be the first, all i ask is just that you do all this to me.

i tried very hard to give you the best, i tried very hard to give you encouragement when you need it. i tried very hard to squeeze time out of my schedule to do things for you. i tried so hard but yet rejection comes easy. you said im your bestest best friend in hall, but is that really the case? you said you'll cherish me from the bottom of your heart but do you really mean it? somehow i feel like im being treated like dirt, like a ball, always being kicked around.

im really hurt. really.

12.

2011-08-02T13:14:00.001+08:00

everyone got their dream girl/guy/job/home/car/GRADES etc. but dreams are dreams. they don't come true. so what's the point of dreaming of stuff? they'll never be yours.

11.

2011-08-02T01:19:00.002+08:00

alcohol. back in my life. torrid week. ignore me. gone for good. eat shit. good game.

10.

2011-07-30T10:01:00.002+08:00

what would it take for you to notice someone like me?

9.

2011-07-25T21:50:00.002+08:00

i like you so much. really. if only we feel the same way towards each other.

8.

2011-07-18T23:51:00.002+08:00

hey, don't stalk my blog!

im going to ict real soon. though i know nothing's going to be happen, it's better that i say this. if anything happens, please tell her i like her ALOT. :P

7.

2011-07-12T23:08:00.005+08:00

sometimes i wonder, am i too nice to people? should i learn to say no? i cant go on pleasing everybody. someone will have to be disappointed sometimes.

i shouldn't live to please people. i should have a more principled life. i'm too busy making people happy, i forgot the one most important thing in life - making myself happy.

6.

2011-06-26T19:24:00.001+08:00

i miss you. im always thinking about you. and I LOVE YOU. are you feeling that way too?

5.

2011-06-24T22:19:00.003+08:00

she's out of my league? i guess so. in less than 2 months, it'll be over for me. she'll be gone. i don't know. im shit thrash. how can a 10 be with a 5? it only happens in movies.

had a crazy week, bad one rather. made so many mistakes, mistakes that i can never forgive myself for making. what was i thinking? actually i wasn't thinking. really hate this shit. im never going to be there anymore. wth man. and now i feel like im not good enough for her. maybe i am not afterall. it's just wishful thinking. she'll never fancy me. NEVER.

maybe 500 days of summer will help again. really wished she was autumn though. oh well. i screwed up, especially when it matters. no point ranting about it. i suck.

4.

2011-06-13T22:34:00.002+08:00

no one understands the feeling of a wrenched heart.

chest pains.

3

2011-06-10T18:36:00.002+08:00

i don't know if im ready. but you're constantly on my mind.

you could be the one, i hope you are the one. im madly in love with you. i know it's going to be tough, but i hope that it ends well, with or without you. every hour spent with you makes me crave for more. i'll take an hour or two, no matter how long it is, as long as it's spent with you, im happy.

i seriously hope with time, my persistence will move you. marks and spencer wasn't God-sent, you are. :D

2.

2011-03-21T00:34:00.000+08:00

hmmm. you're back in the picture again. but then anything can change by the end of the year. not ruling out any possibility.

1,

2011-03-19T00:38:00.003+08:00

going to restart this blog. i need a nice small private avenue to vent my frustrations. not that this is exactly private, but i've remained absolutely silent and away from this blog long enough to know that this blog is dead.

it's been more than a year. i know im already out of the stage where i say i still have feelings for her. but sometimes, the mind tends to wander off and you start thinking about the what ifs. i wont talk about the what ifs because they're just what ifs. i just think of her sometimes, especially when im feeling vulnerable, which is rare. but we do have chinks in our armour right?

i miss the feeling of having a girlfriend. i want a girlfriend, but im not sure about myself being commited in the relationship. i don't want to be bogged down by a relationship, yet i want to be in one. i think im commitment-phobic. everyone will think that im a bastard, an asshole. which is holding me back. i care about what people think of me, i don't want people to harbour any second opinions about me. i don't want to be a friend and a bastard in their eyes. it's ironic that i want a relationship but don't want to commit into it. it wont be fair to the girl and selfish on my part. unless we're into this together. oh well, just stay single, feel lonely at times and stfu.

sha**, initially, i kinda like you alot. but i think the barriers between us are insurmountable. i hate being the one always taking the initiative to chat you up. sometimes, i find you approachable, most of the times not. but im sick and tired of being the first one to talk to you, to ask you out. it sucks. i know you're not into me, which can be a legit reason, but at least, tell me. don't leave me second guessing. but anyway, i lost interest in chasing anyone, any girl. im just sick and tired of doing the hard work, mustering whatever courage i have to talk to girls. right now, im just so busy and so tired. when i feel lonely, all i need is an ice cold beer and drama serials and movies to watch. fuck relationships, hello singlehood.

everything's not going as planned. no way im going overseas for IA cuz every mofo company says im not good enough. balls to saying we don't focus on grades alone. BALLS TO YOU! can never get into med school with my atrocious grades. my future is gone. ruined. join the army they say. balls to that. i just want to get out of here, find my niche elsewhere. be far from home where the misery is. i just need a release. how i wish i have millions or billions in my account. then i can just travel the world, experience each month in a different country. fuck school, just embrace life. enjoy the sunrise, sunset. watch stars. sit at coffee houses, watch people go by, hang out with friends at the cafe. that's the life i want.

and i think i got an alcohol problem, nothing major. it's under control.